Why are American parent’s today more afraid or less likely to discipline their children out in public than they were when I was a child? I was born in 1970 and had a brother four years older than me. I remember when we were kids out in public at a store, if we acted up or if we were disobedient, we were punished for it right then and there. My mother did not hesitate to scold us either verbally or give us a spanking no matter who was around. Now being a mother of three children myself, I notice going out in the stores or somewhere, that children are running rampant, screaming and whining and the parents seem indifferent or anxious at their children’s behavior, some almost pleading with their toddler to maintain control. I want to know why it is different now from the way it was then. It is a big topic to cover in one post but I wanted to give some food for thought and discuss the route I would take to get some answers.
I believe psychology would be a good place to start because first of all we have to understand the reason why parents do or do not react to their child’s undesirable behavior. What motivates a parent to discipline a child? Is it a natural instinct such as when they are about to do something harmful and we are trying to protect them? Are we embarrassed because a child causes a scene and we feel others may think of us as a bad parent? What is different about the views parents have today than they were thirty years ago? Does sex of the parent play a vital role? What is considered the norm? It was normally the mother who took care of the child and the father went to work away from the home. Today more fathers are staying at home while the mother goes to work? I would look at history in the past thirty years. What changes in life and environment have occurred in this time frame?
The first way to approach the subject from a psychological point of view would be to start a collection of data from parents in the 1970’s to parents of today. It would be necessary to perform interviews and questionnaires of great length to obtain necessary information. One would need to look at studies already done on basic human reaction to emotional stimulus. It would be necessary to study the educational system. What are we learning in the social sciences about parenting that has taught us what was wrong and right from thirty years ago?
We would also need to look at the economic factor and determine by research to find out if parent’s from the 1970’s had less of an education that parent’s from today because of lower income levels?
Looking back at the history from then to now would also give perspective on the question. What has changed in the role of the parent and acceptable forms of discipline? Today we see more cases of reported child abuse and stronger punishment for those committing these crimes? Are parents now concerned that if they are seen disciplining their child in public that an observer may consider this a form of child abuse? I know of a teenager who was not getting his way and threatened his mother that he was going to call the local authorities and say she was beating him. This was something I observed first hand.
There are many factors to be considered to finding out why American parents do not seem to control or discipline their children out in public as strongly as they did when I was a child thirty years ago. It would take a look at a psychological perspective, to find out what makes us act the way we do. We would need to look at what was considered socially acceptable then as compared to now. What changes have happened in our economy and history to cause the decline in public scolding? Are parents today more afraid of the reactions of others or are they more concerned with the long term effects stricter discipline will have on the child.
What a hot topic to discuss.
ReplyDeleteI think that children feel loved when they know what is expected of them. A young child tries to see who the boss is from a very young age. He is so use to getting all of his needs met with just a little crying since infancy that the child is just seeing how far a parent will go.
A parent needs boundaries and needs to teach the child the same thing in order for him/her to be a productive member of this society.
I personally think it is ok to spank a child; and there are correct ways to do it. Some children only need a few swats and others need a few more. It is meant to hurt a little to get the childs attention and for him/her to feel some remorse for their wrong doing.
A child should never be spanked anywhere other than on the bottom, that is why it is padded.
I think very small toddlers benefit more from removing from the situation. There is ususally another problem going on with toddlers and preschoolers. They are hungry or tired.
Many parents don't have a clue about the needs of their children. It is a constant need of young children to have proper feeding (every 2 hours) and proper rest times. A sheduled nap and bedtimes is to their benefit and to the parents.
I agree with about children acting horrible in the stores. If I am ever at the store late at night (after 10:00pm)and I see young children crying and acting out, I think the parents don't have a clue. These kids need to be bed and what did they have for dinner?
Very nice post -- excellent use of graphics. I often wonder how much time parents have with their children that involves real, unmediated communication (no texting, no playing video games, no television, no other distracting activity) -- I think that it is often very difficult to discipline when there is not a solid foundation of communication.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post - great details!
I agree that there are times when a swat on the behind is necessary to remind a child who’s in charge, although I don’t support beating a child. There was a period of time in my life when I was the main parental figure in the life of my three children while their mother was doing a tour of duty on board a ship. During that time, there were times when one or two of the children was going through a phase of exploring the possibility of expanding their established boundaries. My approach was to have a talk with the child first about my concern then a second “offense” would lead to a period of time-out followed by another talk about the behavior and possible repercussions of repeated offenses. If the behavior continued, then a swat on the behind might be necessary…especially if the behavior was defiant. After that, we returned to square one. I never followed a swatting incident with more swats, and I never embarrassed the children in public. I always got down to their level and spoke to them eye to eye about the problem in a calm tone. The one thing my kids knew was that if I had to warn them about a spanking, I had reached the point of seriousness. As they grew, the threat of spanking was as effective as the spanking itself, so I rarely had to go that far. They are well-adjusted adults now, and don’t feel like I abused them. We mostly talked about behavior, and I found that worked effectively for us. Having the child take responsibility for their actions allowed them to also take ownership of the consequences.
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